Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
