there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
