he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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