I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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