if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
