You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
