My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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