marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
