Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
zippers are such a cool invention
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
