I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
