Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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