You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He better not be in your backpack
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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