I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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