dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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