Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
