I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
