Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
