just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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