Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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