I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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