She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
