are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize