I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize