2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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