I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize