Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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