I can tuck mytits in my pants
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
