before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
