So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
