I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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