true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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