I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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