I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
