There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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