final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
