chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
