I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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