Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
