just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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