so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
