You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's like iHOP with fire
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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