why didn't you poke me back
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
