I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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