Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
