He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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