its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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