redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
