At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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