he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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