What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There r osticjed everywhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
