There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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