The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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