the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
