It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
