I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
