Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
