And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
