but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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