you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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