im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
