i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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