I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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