dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
