I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
