I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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