we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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