its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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